Lifestyle Column – Dealing With Adversity

Chandia Brennen is an alumnus of Florida A&M University, and is the Fashion and Beauty Director for Hope for Women Magazine. She blogs regularly at ItsGood2BDia.blogspot.com

“Just remember, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour, and I know the sour.”- Vanilla Sky

Everyday consists of passing moments that either brings happiness or unexpected sadness. What moments in your life define your character?

A few months back I took my first business trip to sunny California to interview a young well known socialite. The morning of the interview as I anxiously anticipated our meeting the unexpected occurred. Something that I secretly feared arose and confronted me head on…betrayal. Someone that I trusted shattered my emotions and disheveled my thoughts. At that moment the young business woman that I felt myself transforming into became replaced with a woman drowning in emotions.

My logical thoughts became liquid tears that revealed the words I was unable to speak. Anytime that someone you truly care for deceives you, the feeling is comparable to dealing with a death. The unexpected tragedy leaves you feeling vulnerable with a heavy heart. Needless to say the morning got off to a turbulent start.

As I maneuvered throughout my day in preparation for my big interview, the thoughts tugged at my heart as fish do to a line full of bait. In that moment I had two choices, I could either allow the emotions to affect me and inhibit my opportunity or I could channel my pain into passion and work. As I arrived to the set of the feature film to interview the socialite, I took a deep breath and put my game face on. The moment that words were exchanged, I felt my emotions release through my pores and seep away. As the socialite spoke about her Business Empire, acting projects and fashion trends, she ironically said something that leaped out at me. She said “When adversity occurs you have to just deal with it. Don’t allow yourself to give rise to emotions that will cause you to feel depressed or defeated. Continue to move on and understand that good things will happen for you again, keep moving on.”

As the words escaped her lips everything went from basic cable to HD…crystal clear. As I listened to the socialite candidly discuss how people have said hurtful and negative things about her and how she personally chooses to deal with adversity, I realized that in life things will not always occur the way that you saw or desired them to happen. I could pretend that I live a glamorous life that doesn’t involve discouragement or heartaches, but then I wouldn’t be genuine which would tarnish my credibility.

On that particular day I gained and lost something and it was truly bittersweet. Although I am actively chasing my dreams I often times face difficult hurdles along the way that inevitably contribute to my character. Hurdles are what create some of the best athletes in the world just as invisible hurdles create moguls and mentors. After the meeting with the socialite I felt rejuvenated and ecstatic about my future and decided to process and dispose of any emotions that could inhibit my growth. I released the sour (bitterness) and embraced the sweet success of hard work and dedication.

One of the greatest examples of a person that faced various emotional hurdles on her journey to greatness is Oprah Winfrey. Oprah was repeatedly molested from the age of nine to 13, which is without a doubt emotionally devastating. As a teenager she was considered a “troubled youth,” but as time progressed, she was given a venue to flourish her talents and inevitably became the woman that she is today. She candidly spoke in an interview about the fact that when the unexpected occurs in her life that she doesn’t give rise to the emotions. She said “I don’t focus on what fell apart or things I can’t change, I always look for a solution. I ask myself…what’s next?”

In life we often allow ourselves to surrender to the unexpected heartbreak, the loss of a job or the defeat of a goal. Things will not always be picture perfect, but how you decide to deal with them can affect your future. Scripture says “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds”- James 1:2. In my opinion that means that we should learn to take the good with the bad, treat every loss as a victory.

Life will not always deliver beautiful moments but you make the decision on what defines your character. I encourage you all this week to not allow anyone or anything to interfere with your peace, passion or position in life while continuing to move forward. It will not always be easy because everything is a process, but remember to enjoy the sun and appreciate the rain…we need them both for growth.